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If you are aromantic, don’t feel pressured to participate in romantic or sexual situations you aren’t comfortable with. Don’t force yourself to do things to meet someone else’s expectations or because of social pressure.
Amatonormativity is a term that has been coined to describe society’s expectations concerning romance. It has been used to describe the pressure to find and prioritize romance, marriage, and monogamy.
Everyone’s experience is unique, so feelings about romance and relationships can vary greatly among aromantic people. Some may have different desires and expectations for physical and emotional intimacy. There is no standardized definition of what constitutes romance, so one person's definition may differ from someone else’s.
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While aromantics are often mistakenly viewed as cold or prudish, it is important to remember that people who identify as aro have diverse feelings and experiences. Some may enjoy physical intimacy, and some may not. Some may want a commitment without the expectations of a romantic relationship, while others may prefer to have no romantic relationships at all.
People who don’t desire that are often pressured to settle down, get married, and have kids anyway. Those who don't are often made to feel that there is something wrong with them or that they are missing out.
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Aromantic people often face stigma and misconceptions about their romantic orientation. Others sometimes think they are not loving or that they will eventually change and develop romantic relationships. Dealing with these myths can sometimes make people feel isolated or pressured to conform to other people's expectations.
Miller SJ, ed. Glossary of terms: defining a common queer language. Teaching, Affirming, and Recognizing Trans and Gender Creative Youth. London: Palgrave Macmillan; 2016. doi:10.1057/978-1-137-56766-6
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Some aromantic people are asexual, but the two are not synonymous. Asexuality involves a lack of sexual interest or attraction. Some asexual people may not desire sex but can still want romance. And aromantic people may desire sex but not romance.
Romantic content in popular media can also sometimes present challenges for those who are aro. While some aromatic people might enjoy romance-centered movies, books, and tv programming, others may feel indifferent or even repulsed by such depictions.
Both asexuality and aromanticism are part of what is known as the asexual spectrum identities. While many aromantic people are also asexual, people with various sexual identities may also describe themselves as aromantic. For example, a person may describe themselves as an aromantic bisexual, an aromantic lesbian, or an aromantic gay man.
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It is important to note that aromantic people may still be involved in intimate or sexual relationships. However, these relationships may look different from romantic relationships.
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Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."
Societal expectations can create challenges for people who identify as aromantic. There is a tremendous amount of societal pressure on people to find a partner, commit, and have children.
If you think you might be aromantic, it is important to remember that you alone get to decide how you feel and how to share those feelings with others. For more resources and information being aromantic, visit some of the following resources:
Aromanticism represents a spectrum, which means that people experience little to no romantic attraction. While many do not ever have these feelings, some may identify as aromantic and still experience some degree of romantic attraction depending on the individual and the situation.
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Some aromantic people may enter what is referred to as a queer-platonic partnership or QPP. These partnerships are platonic in nature but have the same degree of commitment as a romantic partnership, including cohabitating and making decisions together.
Aromanticism is sometimes known by the abbreviated form “aro.” In the LGBTQIA+ lexicon, the “A” represents aromantic, asexual, and agender. Although the exact prevalence of aromanticism is not known, one study suggests that around 1% of people identify as asexual, and around 25% of these are also aromantic.
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If you are seeking support for issues with coming out, relationships, bullying, self-harm, and more, contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564 for one-to-one peer support.
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A person who is aromantic experiences little to no romantic attraction to persons of any gender. People who are aromantic also lack interest in having romantic relationships. Romantic attraction refers to a desire to have emotional contact and interaction with a partner, while the definition of a romantic relationship can vary depending on the individual.
Some researchers have suggested that amatonormativity creates a social stigma surrounding being single and can pressure people into entering or staying in unhealthy relationships.
Learn more about aromanticism and how it affects relationships. If you identify as aromantic, we share a few tips for caring for your mental health. We also provide ways that you can help support a family member or friend who is aromantic.
Antonsen AN, Zdaniuk B, Yule M, Brotto LA. Ace and aro: understanding differences in romantic attractions among persons identifying as asexual. Arch Sex Behav. 2020;49(5):1615-1630. doi:10.1007/s10508-019-01600-1
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There is little research available on aromanticism, and the distinctions between romantic and sexual orientation are not fully understood. People sometimes have difficulty distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction because they are often so closely intertwined, making studying the topic more difficult.
Such partnerships may involve being in an exclusive relationship, living together, showing affection, and having sex. Aromantic people may get married, have children, and raise families.
By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."
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While you might not want romantic relationships, having social support is important for your mental health and well-being. Focus on cultivating strong relationships with other people outside of romantic contexts. It is important to remember that other forms of love are not any less important than romantic love.
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Aromantic people can experience love. Being aromantic doesn’t mean that you don’t feel or experience love. You may experience strong feelings of love for family and friends. And research suggests that aromatic people often still desire sex. People who identify as aro can also want relationships. While they may not experience romantic feelings, they can still have deep, meaningful, and lasting connections with others.
If you have a friend or loved one who is aromantic, there are things that you can do to be a supportive friend and ally: